Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Teen Dating

(I know this is not part of the series but I wanted to share this post sooner rather then later so. . .that's pretty much what I'm doing. =) My mom did this post on her blog about "teen dating". I think that many dating relationships are corrupt and not God glorifying. I'm NOT saying that all are but I do think that alot of them are not being done right and that's how we end up with people feeling abused, "broken-hearted", and self-focused. Read what my mom had to say on this topic. . .

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There is alot of teen dating going on in Christian circles today. I am not a proponent for teen dating. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Promotes impurity and lust. The Bible call's us to be pure and for older women to teach such things. Why would we put our children in situations were they might be tempted to sin against God in this area? If we are to teach these things we need to be careful about putting our children in tempting situations.

2. If they are dating, they're heartstrings will grow attached to eachother. This type of intimacy was meant for the person they were meant to marry, not for someone they are fleetingly seeing for a month or two (or a few days!). How would you feel meeting a women who had a serious relationship with your husband while he was younger? How would you feel meeting several women?

3. I believe that when you enter a relationship of that sort that you are prepared to be married or looking to be married. Most children at fifteen or sixteen years of age (or younger) are NOT prepared or looking for the long term.

4. Unnecessary psychological damage can ensue--a broken heart for someone not meant to be your spouse in the first place, and even more tragic if an unplanned pregnancy follows or STD.

5. We are putting children into roles they are not mature enough to handle.

6. Christian teens should look at their brothers and sisters in Christ with respect. They should look at them knowing that God has someone already planned to be their spouse and pray for them, not wanting to get in the way of that or be a stumbling block.

7. Often times rebellion can result because a son/daughter wants to be part of a relationship. They will turn against parents and their family to do this. Their rebellion affects the entire family and sometimes can cause younger children to follow suit.

8. They take on the attitude of the world. Many boys are out to 'use and abuse' to just fulfill their own sinful desires and girls as well. They don't cherish the other person or truly love them but end up tossing them aside when feelings change. This is not true love, this is plain selfishness. The victim is left trying to pick up the pieces feeling worthless and undervalued. Also, their hearts become more hardened and scarred with each relationship that by the time they do marry they have trouble trusting their spouses and could still be healing from past hurts.

9. Most importantly it can turn their hearts away from God. Where once the Lord may have been enthroned in their hearts, it is quickly replaced by 'the relationship'. They can become all consumed with the other party that their world revolves around them and quickly fall into idolatry.

10. Reputations are often slandered afterwards by the immature. Boys are seen as 'players', girls are painted as 'loose'. If we are to be ambassadors of Christ, we need to guard even our reputations closely.



A true suitor will wait. He will protect. He will do what it takes to win the heart of the lady he desires. He will not rush. He will pray. He would not be in a hurry to rush into a relationship.

A good way for a teen son to use their time is to grow in the Lord--reading their Bibles, doing studies and scripture/ book memorization. Sons could be about their fathers business learning the ways of a man, earning money, starting their own business or helping dad's, learning life skills fixing a car or using power tools, saving money for their futures, building or buying their own homes, taking college courses in high school (CLEP'ing) to advance their education, interning, preparing themselves for marriage, building up their local church, spreading the gospel. They do not need to pursue romantic relationships or spend their time idly watching hours of tv, surfing the net, playing video games, etc. These are time wasters and develop foolish appetites in a young man.

A daughter could be about the business of a woman--learning from the Bible, getting into the deep studies and memorization as well. She could learn a myriad of homemaking skills with her mother and her sisters and advancing her education . She should learn as many skills as she can in cooking, sewing, baking, gardening, home and time organization, childcare, animal care finances, industry, research and the list is absolutely endless. She could also be furthering whatever vision her father has for the home, ministry or business. She can learn to help the poor, serve at church and serve other families in time of need. This would be a wonderful and God honoring way to use her time.

Parents falsely think their children will be missing out on something if they are not dating. This is false and wordly thinking. We need to get back to thinking biblically. We should not have fear of man and or feel pressured by culture or family members. We must tune out the voices of this world, which may lead our children and families astray.

I know many parents set out trying to lay out before their children the foundation of purity and courtship and somewhere along the line it crashes and burns. My hearts are with you as I know it is by the grace of God that we are able to help our children through this and many of us are just learning about the courtship process ourselves. I know we must be vigilant as parents to help our children to obey the Lord and doing what it takes to help them do so.

My prayer is that the Lord would give us all wisdom and strength as we guide, protect, cherish and teach our children to honor the Lord through these precious and special years known as their youth.

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1 comment:

Miss Jen said...

This was a wonderful post.
Thank you for sharing
your mother's wise words!
Bless you!!

In Christ~
Miss Jen

P.S.
Thank you for your kind
encouraging words you
left on Blessed Femina
a while back~ my heart
was touched!!
I hope we can meet someday,
if the Lord wills!
Bless you, dear sister!! ;)